Stonehenge: The World's Most Overrated Rock Collection

 

Stonehenge: A Big Pile of Rocks That Confuses Everyone

Stonehenge. It’s just some big rocks in a circle, but for some reason, people won’t shut up about it. Historians and archaeologists have spent decades trying to work out why a bunch of ancient people decided to go to all the effort of dragging massive stones halfway across the country and plonking them down in the middle of a field. And, to be honest, it’s a bit embarrassing they still don’t have an answer. Imagine spending your entire career trying to figure out why some cavemen played an extreme game of Jenga, only to go, “Well, we’re still not sure.”

Some people think it was a calendar, but that’s just silly. I mean, who needs a giant rock formation to tell them when it’s June? Just look at a phone. And even if you don’t have a phone, just go outside – if you start sweating and wasps are everywhere, it’s summer. If you start freezing and wishing you were dead, it’s winter. It’s not hard.

Others say it was a place for religious rituals. Which makes sense, because religion does love a bit of unnecessary effort. But if that’s true, it means ancient Britons spent more time building Stonehenge than actually worshipping at it. Imagine God looking down, expecting a bit of praise, and instead, all his followers are just lugging massive boulders about. He must’ve been fuming.

Then there’s the idea that it was a burial site. Because nothing says ‘respect for the dead’ like leaving them in a windy, miserable field surrounded by sheep. If I died and my family said, “We’re going to honour you by digging a hole next to some mysterious rocks,” I’d haunt them. Forever.

Who Built It? And More Importantly, Why?

The short answer is: no one knows. The longer answer is: still no one knows, but historians will waffle on about it anyway. Some say it was the Druids, but that’s not true because the Druids showed up way too late. It’s like saying Shakespeare wrote the Harry Potter books – wrong and also quite funny to imagine.

Other theories suggest it was built by aliens, which is just a polite way of saying, “We think ancient people were too stupid to stack stones.” But that’s a weird assumption. Humans have always been great at putting things in places they don’t belong – just look at colonialism.

The most realistic explanation is that prehistoric people did it, probably because they were bored. Remember, this was before telly, before the internet, and, most tragically, before crisps. If you had nothing better to do and someone said, “Do you want to spend the next hundred years moving rocks for no reason?” you might just say yes.

The Logistics of Moving Massive Rocks for No Reason

The stones came from Wales, which means ancient people had to drag them about 180 miles. That’s like carrying a sofa from London to Manchester – but without wheels, roads, or a bloke from Facebook Marketplace helping you for twenty quid.

How did they do it? Well, archaeologists reckon they used wooden rollers and boats, which sounds clever until you remember wood snaps and boats sink. So, realistically, a lot of trial and error was involved. And by ‘trial and error,’ I mean thousands of people probably died moving these stupid rocks. And for what? So future tourists could stand in front of them, take a photo, and then immediately go home?

Imagine if time travel was real, and we could go back and tell them what we do with Stonehenge now. “Yeah, people come here to look at it for five minutes, then complain that there’s no café.” They’d probably roll the stones back to Wales just to spite us.

Theories That Are Somehow Worse Than Aliens

Some people reckon Stonehenge was a healing site, like an ancient NHS, but without the long waiting times and the underpaid nurses. The idea is that people believed the stones had magical healing properties, which is a bit rich coming from the same civilization that thought bleeding someone to death was a good cure for a headache.

There’s also the theory that it was a music venue, which is laughable because have you ever tried listening to music outdoors in Britain? It would’ve been like Glastonbury, but without the drugs or the toilets. Just thousands of people standing in a wet field, pretending to enjoy themselves while secretly wishing they’d stayed at home. So actually, exactly like Glastonbury.

What’s the Point of Stonehenge?

After all these years, we still don’t know. But let’s be honest: does it really matter? Even if someone proves beyond a doubt what it was for, what difference does it make? It’s not like we’re going to rebuild it and start using it properly again. Imagine the government announcing, “We’re reinstating the original function of Stonehenge.” No one would care, unless it somehow involved cheaper pints.

At the end of the day, Stonehenge is just another weird thing humans did for no reason. Like the pyramids. Or the Eiffel Tower. Or cryptocurrency. It proves that people have always been willing to spend ridiculous amounts of time and effort on things that don’t make sense. And honestly, that’s kind of beautiful.

Or maybe it’s just a pile of rocks. Who knows?